When we hear folks taking their marriage vows, there’s usually a part where they promise to be faithful. You won’t see a case where one vows to be unfaithful. After the vows have been said, lot’s of marriages find themselves in this situation. When this happens, a level of confusion comes into the marriage. It is the actions of the couple that would determine if they would stay together or not.
In our discussing coping with infidelity, those who have a one time encounter and those who have experienced repeat occurrences are both targeted. This is a really sensitive matter and so needs to be addressed as such. What would be your advice to a person who is faced with a spouse that is continually unfaithful to them?
This is one of the marriage counseling questions that have been posed in various forms. It’s almost difficult to give a straight answer that would be generally acceptable. It all usually boils down to the desires of those involved.
The task of the marriage therapist would generally be to attempt to find out why these problem occurred with a view to finding a way of stopping a recurrence and repairing the marriage. One thing I have found out in counseling is that almost everybody who goes for counseling has something they are strongly considering doing. Giving any advice in that direction would instantly result in that person seemingly taking your advice. If a counselor were to endorse an existing plan, leading to that individual taking that action, any unfavorable outcome would be blamed on the counselor.
This is why a therapist would spend a lot of time attempting to help you discover yourself so you can know what you really want. You have to understand that the deep pain and hurt you are now feeling can actually heal and pass. There is therefore no need to make a lifetime decision because of them. That leads to regrets. The decisions you’re thankful for years later, never actually feels right when you are making them more so when it involves things like infidelity.
I have mentioned this before and would say it again here. Coping with infidelity is much easier when there is a certainty that there would not be a re-occurrence. It becomes a much more difficult issue when it persists. Like I noted, it’s difficult, not impossible. If I were to be involved, my major concern would be to find out why the issue keeps occurring. In my view, the only thing that would give the marriage a chance of surviving is primarily discovering the reason why the issue keeps coming up.
It is at this point that we see the importance of a marriage therapist. This is where some hidden truths come to light, helping in the full handling of these problems. It is really necessary that as a first step, the couple agree that there’s a challenge that they need to address. Both the guilty spouse and the other spouse require some form of assistance.
Remember not to act in anger. You would find many broken marriages that got to that state simply because of hasty decisions. We know you’re hurt, but you can take some time to consult a marriage counselor before making a decision.