If you and your spouse are barely talking to one another and never touch anymore, you may be wondering how to save your marriage under these tense circumstances. Many couples tragically assume that there is nothing to be done when their spouse has turned cold toward them, but you don’t want to make that mistake. Things may be painfully tense or brutally cold at the moment, but there is still a chance of turning up the heat and rekindling the love you once shared.
Action always starts with you. Since you are reading this, you probably have some desire to learn how to save your marriage. Your spouse may not be so willing, but you cannot think about that right now. Your first focus has to be on yourself.
Start by determining whether you really want to save your marriage, or if you are clinging to the relationship because you are fearful of what may come next. Make sure you genuinely want to stay in this marriage and live the rest of your life with your spouse. If there is any doubt there, then you have to work on yourself before you ask your spouse to work with you.
Once you determine that you do want to learn how to save your marriage and stay in this relationship for the long haul, then it is time to honestly accept your shortcomings in the relationship. Write down mistakes you have made, things you regret not doing, and wrong turns you know you have made along the way. So many couples fail to bring their marriage back together simply because no one is willing to accept their share of the blame or sympathize with their spouse.
Now you are ready to reach out to your spouse. You are probably feeling a wide range of emotions, but you should have a soft spot for your spouse now that you know you share the blame for the destruction of the relationship. Start by asking your spouse to simply listen while you tell them what you have realized about the relationship. Rather than pointing fingers at them, you are telling them where you have gone wrong and how sorry you are for those mistakes. You are humbling yourself, which is the opposite of what most people do when relationships break down.
If you don’t get the reaction you hoped for, don’t panic. Your spouse may need some time to see that you genuinely have changed and really want the relationship to work. Start doing things to make their life easier and to show that you are serious about making positive changes for the future.
You should be highly motivated at this point to improve your own life. As you become a better, more focused person, they may want to jump aboard and work toward a better future with you. This is the beginning of learning how to save your marriage.