In counseling with married couples, they could sometimes assume that the counselor doesn’t fully understand the issues they are encountering. One question I usually ask folks who think their marriage problems are simply so serious is this: Are you the one couple passing through this or the only ones who have ever passed through these?
A lot of couples don’t think it’s possible to know how to survive an affair. When folks like these face examples of couples who had to go through problems like theirs and yet went through it to became even closer, they derive strength and hope from it.
No challenge facing any marriage today is unique to them. Aside from a fresh counselor, most counselors would have come across any marriage issue you have to present to them over and again. Any effort made by a marriage counselor would not be effective unless the couple involved in the matter are willing to do all that is needed.
I’ve witnessed lot’s of situations where one of the couple almost forces the other so they can go for marriage counseling. What this results in is a couple where one has a wish to fix the marriage and the other sees no need for it. They actually conclude that the counseling is a waste of their time. This is one situation where nothing tangible can be achieved.
Any therapist with experience would know not to continue unless he or she has succeeded in drawing out the unwilling spouse. The whole thing would really be a waste of time if the lethargic spouse isn’t made to realize a need for the therapy.
It is not our desire here to try to find out what causes extra marital affairs. We are all aware that nothing can actually justify an affair. There’s no arguing that some circumstances could be very difficult that there appears to be no other option. This brings to my mind a couple I knew a while back. They couldn’t have children. After going for series of tests, nothing was found to be the matter with either of them.
The lady for some reasons felt her husband was the issues despite the test. She kept on blaming the husband for their inability to have children. When it got too much, the man felt he needed to redeem himself so he got a lady outside of his marriage pregnant. Thankfully, the marriage didn’t collapse and though the wife still could not conceive, she learned a great lesson there.
We have said so much about how to survive an affair. I however feel that the more important issue should be how to prevent an affair. If you can prevent an extra marital affair in your marriage, you would not have to learn how to survive one.
If there is one thing that can aid marriages the most, it is communication. With proper communication between spouses, certainly every problem would be taken care of with ease. Things degenerate basically because many spouses keep things in their minds and don’t share until everything comes to a head and things start pouring out.
If you can create a very deep level of communication with your spouse, you would see that both of you would take care of issues that you face with ease.