If you have noticed recently married couples, you would notice that they always give each other a lot of attention. They are always into themselves, smiling, touching and just enjoying each other’s company. Lot’s of times, this open show of affection decreases with time. A lot of couples settle into a steady routine that is loving and stable. It’s not normal to find them still relating like fresh couples.
You would generally wonder why a couple that confessed so much love for one another when they got married would now with the same mouth declare pure dislike for themselves. What changed in this union? Or is it the individuals who changed?
One really rampant complaint you hear from people who come for marriage counseling is that their spouse changed. Do we actually change like that?
From my discoveries, I can say that people actually do not change. The problem I think is a failure to really get to know the real person. People generally get emotional and carried away. After getting married, you now get to see all there is to see about this person because you now spend your every waking moment with him/her. You may now start wondering if you made a mistake. You might have made a mistake and you also may not have.
One thing that has always been a general mistake is looking for a perfect person. Trying to get all the traits you’re searching for in one individual is a futile attempt. Looking for perfection is readying yourself for disappointment. If you understand that you’re not perfect, you won’t expect perfection from others.
How do you respond to some things about your spouse you would see as imperfection? This is one very critical matter. There are those who unfortunately think they simply must have that non-existent perfection. A person can easily get into extra marital affairs as a result of this. You may actually be surprised to discover that the person you left had traits the new one does not have.
The first thing you require to build a successful marriage is to accept first that you are not perfect. You can’t sincerely want your spouse to be perfect when you’re not perfect. It’s your choice to be happy with your spouse in spite of the imperfections that would help you through. You cannot resolve the problem by having an affair. If anything, it would make your own imperfection more obvious.
Choose to cover for your spouse’s imperfections. This is a decision that would see your marriage succeed. You can go for marriage counseling if you think it’s getting too hard.
More experienced couples always talk about how the things that used to worry them so much about their partner ceased to bother them. I’ve seen folks who got divorced and years later couldn’t believe they got divorced over such minor issues.
Making your marriage work requires that you decide to work at it.