The healing from hurt begins with an attempt to release the cause of the pain. So long as the individual continues to hold on to the pain, it would keep on eating deeper and deeper, making it impossible for the person to be healed from that emotional pain.
This is exactly what happens in marriage. Some individuals have suffered what many folks would consider to be the most serious hurt that anybody can face in a marriage. This challenge is infidelity. It many times seemingly impossible for a person to find healing from infidelity. This is wrong.
Many people find this process of healing hard since they first have to forgive their partner before the healing process can commence. We now come into a really key issue. How can I forgive my partner for such a thing?
Anyone who tells you that forgiving a grievous emotional hurt like infidelity is not hard does not know what they are saying. This is a really hard process. The word “process” was not used in error. It is a process and should be seen as such. Forgiveness is not something you can just do in a twinkle of an eye. What you can do once is to take a decision to forgive. After doing this, you would require time for the real forgiveness to fully mature.
The reason why some folks think they can’t forgive is because they think forgiving is the same as forgetting. Your only hope of forgetting is if you can make yourself have amnesia. Barring this, you would certainly remember what happened. When you forgive, it would become a memory and only that. What is the way to achieve this?
The first thing anybody has to do is decide to go on the process of forgiveness. Choosing to forgive begins with acceptance. You have to acknowledge that the act has happened and cannot be changed. This acceptance gets you ready for the stages ahead.
You’re now at the stage of repairing your marriage. You really have to do this because your trust in your spouse has been damaged by the act. Without this trust, your marriage would be an unhappy one. Trust has to be brought back into the marriage. In this situation, the guilty spouse has a lot of work to do. The duty of the hurt spouse would be to give the guilty spouse the opportunity to regain their trust. A partner would only be able to trust again if they have passed through the stages of acceptance and decision to forgive.
The last thing which as far as I’m concerned is a continuation of the second part of the process is rebuilding communication. This is very critical because you can only get healed when you can communicate your hurt and pain to your spouse clearly and appreciate that they also communicate their pain and apologies fully to you. Once sincere remorse can be communicated, the process of forgiveness is faster.
The need for communication cannot be over emphasized. Many cases of emotional affair began as a result of bad communication between couples. You can get healed if you just take it one step at a time.